She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
