Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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