when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
