I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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