Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
