Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
