well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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