he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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