Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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