I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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