I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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