Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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