Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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