escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
