I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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