I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
