I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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