she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Drunk is not a location!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
