I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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