This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
