I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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