please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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