plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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