Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
