know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
