it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize