even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
