Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
