ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
