a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
