there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
