I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
