Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
