why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
