She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
