I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
