The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
