I'm gonna have a badass scar
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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