I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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