he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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