its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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