areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
