Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
