If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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