There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
