i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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