yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
