im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
