I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I look better un-naked...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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