I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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