oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
