some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
