tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
