I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
